Slow times at work.

Now, here’s a question for you. Have you ever been listening to a song that you’ve heard a billion times before, but on this one occasion you hear something that sounds totally different? As if there’s an extra instrument, or a different lyric, or the beat skips around in a way that you’ve never, ever picked up on previously?

Now, seeing as it is clearly impossible to have missed that section previously, my quite sane assumption is that the artist has taken control of my music player remotely, and is broadcasting the song live over my speakers. It’s like a test: if I react to the difference—this one time only, and ever again—and notice it, I’ll be rewarded. With, er, something awesome. If I don’t, then the song might just disappear from my player and all memory of it with it.

Is this a healthy thought?

(I hear you Tegan and Sara, I heard what you did there with that snare drum that has never ever been in that song before just now.)

As compensation for reading my paranoia, here is a recipe for homemade bubble tea:

—Brew a glass of black tea at double strength, about three or four teaspoons should do it.

—Throw it into the cooling unit of your choice for about thirty minutes, or until it’s cold.

—Ice it, and add about a half inch of either half&half or whole milk.

—Add two shots of simple syrup. If you don’t have liquid sugar hanging around (and, really, why would you?) then just add two or three packs of brown sugar to the tea as it’s brewing.

—Stir it up. If you have a cocktail shaker, shake the hell out of it, and kudos for having it.

—Add your tapioca bubbles. Did I not mention that part? Ok, find the nearest Uwajimaya. Go there, park in the lot, get the parking stuff. Buy a bunch of Japanese gummy candy, and the stuff with powdered sugar on top, but not the caffeinated candy, because that’s just nasty. Get a pack of dried tapioca, and maybe a really perverse book from Kinokuniya Bookstore to put on your coffee table that people will peruse when they’re waiting for you to get out of the bathroom and force them to reconsider their entire perception of you.

—Boil that shit.

—Then throw it in cold water.

—Then let it drain and cool. It should be the consistency of slimy roe, and should stick perfectly when blown through a straw at a wall, window or roommate.

—Has the ice melted into your tea, making it all watery? Can’t you follow a simple recipe? Remake it.

—Mix tea and tapioca. Suck the tapioca bubbles through a huge neon straw that you undoubtedly picked up along with the fish paste at Uwajimaya.

—Don’t choke as that slime slowly builds up in the back of your throat. This is normal, and considered a delicacy in Taiwan, similar to the placenta.

Bon appetit!

The Professor Gets Orchestral

The Professor Layton series of DS puzzle games was apparently so well-liked (who can deny?) that it is spawning a full-fledged animated movie in Japan. Rightly so, I say, considering its totally charming style and great characters.

That said, the first clip from the soundtrack (thankfully written by the same composer as the game!) has made its way online! I loved the game’s soundtrack, so hearing it in full orchestral playage gives me a good case of goosebumps.

• Check out the music clip here!

Hopefully this movie will make it to the states in some way or another, ideally with the same british voice cast that does the games’ cutscenes!

Red.

The words of the day are brought to you by the letter “R.” R is for Red, which, out of all the colors in existence, has the absolute best synonyms. Observe:

Erubescent. Rubicund. Rufescent. Incarnadine.

And you thought “verdigris” was sexy. Rawr.