Yeah, so he was telling me about this movie called “Snow Crash,” and, well, it’s not actually a movie yet, but it totally should be. It’s, like, a book right now, but he was telling me about it, and it’s so totally perfect for like a big blockbuster action movie. I don’t remember who wrote it, and I haven’t read it, but he was describing all these scenes that are like perfect for a movie, and we were casting it in our heads. It’s like there are all these people, and they’re all online— like the Matrix—but not. And all of these people are also addicted to this drug. That’s the ‘snow’ reference. And it’s a really good story.

So, we decided that Mark Ruffalo would be perfect for the lead guy. I don’t remember his name. Did you see 13 Going on 30? Mark Ruffalo is the lead in that. He’s so dopey and cute, he’s perfect. Megan Fox would be the main girl. She’s like this really sexy programmer chick, and it would be so awesome. I want Jerry Bruckheimer to make this movie. It’s gonna be so legit.

“However, disconcerting things have been happening [in Britain] of late…Now, we hear that people who speak with the Queen — for example, to thank her for doing such a fine job as Canada’s head of state– no longer have to exit the room walking backwards.

This would be fine if the reasoning behind it were “The Queen is an adult and can cope with seeing people’s butts. Indeed, she rather likes them. The only butt with which she has hitherto been familiar is the Duke of Edinburgh’s, and quite frankly, it no longer amuses her.”

But no: they’re changing it because they’re afraid they might get sued if some idiot injures themselves. People have been moonwalking out of royal audiences since the bloody Magna Carta, and has anyone sued yet? Of course not! Anyone idiotic enough to reveal that they fell on their arse in Buckingham Palace, let alone launch a lawsuit about it, doesn’t deserve to call themselves British.”