http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715
Unabashedly the greatest movie review ever written. It doesn’t matter if (like me) you haven’t ever seen even a minute of Sex and the City—the sheer foam-at-the-mouth loathing of the entire ethos of the franchise is enough to have you howling laughing. Stranger writer Lindy West has out-done herself, surely peaking early in her career and doomed forever to languish beneath the shadow of this piece of withering hatred.
You doubt it? Here’s my single favorite line: “SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it’s my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car.”
Read on.
(PS: This post has allowed me to make use of tags that I never thought would be used again. My day is complete.)
Update via The Stranger:
Movie|Line has gathered and ranked The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to Sex and the City 2—and Lindy West’s Pulitzer-worthy screed tops the list.
“Yeah, so he was telling me about this movie called “Snow Crash,” and, well, it’s not actually a movie yet, but it totally should be. It’s, like, a book right now, but he was telling me about it, and it’s so totally perfect for like a big blockbuster action movie. I don’t remember who wrote it, and I haven’t read it, but he was describing all these scenes that are like perfect for a movie, and we were casting it in our heads. It’s like there are all these people, and they’re all online— like the Matrix—but not. And all of these people are also addicted to this drug. That’s the ‘snow’ reference. And it’s a really good story.
So, we decided that Mark Ruffalo would be perfect for the lead guy. I don’t remember his name. Did you see 13 Going on 30? Mark Ruffalo is the lead in that. He’s so dopey and cute, he’s perfect. Megan Fox would be the main girl. She’s like this really sexy programmer chick, and it would be so awesome. I want Jerry Bruckheimer to make this movie. It’s gonna be so legit.
”
—
The girl who is excitedly talking about making Neal Stephenson’s beloved cyberfreakout Snow Crash into a movie is the most normal of college girls. Think the Gap plus a smidge of Columbia sportswear. None of her very normal friends have heard of it. They are Not geeks, Not nerds. They are terrifying.
This unholy union of terrible terrible terrible ideas is simultaneously horrifying and gut-bustingly funny. Mark Ruffalo + Megan Fox + Jerry Bruckheimer + a hilariously awful plot synopsis = me holding my GUFFAWING laughter in, not even able to sip my coffee for fear of snorting through my nose. Oh, so awful.
And yet, it is exactly what would happen should Hollywood ever make Snow Crash into a blockbuster, which, mercifully, has not happened yet. Thank Hiro Protagonist for small miracles.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/schoolgate/2010/01/dictionary-banned-from-school-classroom.html
Yep. Dictionaries contain words. Some words are bad. Children might learn the words. And then they would be bad. So, no learning any words of any sorts for children. It’s for the best.
And I thought the movement to ban Francesca Lia Block’s phenomenal “Weetzie Bat” YA book series from schools was outrageous…
http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/news/lips-cutout-film-star/article-1578165-detail/article.html
Yes, they really did have to slap a warning sticker over the face of a cardboard cut-out of the guy from Twilight, to get girls (and some guys, I’d wager) to stop kissing it.
I’ll be in my horror hole, rocking slowly and humming.
Yes, ladies, you thought the pseudoscience of judging people’s physical attributes based on arbitrary qualifiers was over. But, Macy’s is here to prove you wrong! Long gone are the days of phrenologists and physiognomists who would count the bumps in your head or measure the space between your nose and chin and judge you according to their racist doctrines. However, lipsology will surely hearken a comeback for practitioners of fake science everywhere, and it’s here to stay. Rejoice and pucker up.
So, Tumblr has introduced some inane method of gauging blog popularity, entitled “Tumbularity.” It’s a rather random assortment of criteria (# of posts, number of “likes,” number of followers, # of words, # of original posts, etc) that spits out a number at the end that’s supposed to represent your, er, “tumbularity.”
As the above graphic demonstrates, the blogs on Tumblr with the highest score are the ones that have no original content and just re-blog other people’s videos, photos and music. The ones, like cloudherder, that spend good chunks of time coming up with content and our own photos and music? Least popular.
:palmtoface:
Edit: I apologize, it’s actually tumblarity. Which makes it more ridiculous.
Leif found the most depressing comment about the graphic above on another blog:
“This is distressingly, undeniably true to the point that if I realize a post is taking me longer than 15 minutes, I just delete it and do something simpler. Soon all our highest-grossing films will be 5-second snippets from the recorded dreams of already famous people. The most downloaded iTunes track will be that of a President Obama sneeze. THE DATA IS THERE: STOP TRYING.”
Simpler? Really? Do you stick your head in the doorjamb and smack it a couple of times? Do you close your eyes and just concentrate on making sure you’re breathing? Does the paint drying on the wall distract you too terribly?
Actually, that doorjamb thing sounds good right about now…
http://www.phinneywood.com/2009/04/16/cooper-the-cat-in-latest-people-magazine/
No. No, no, no, no and no. I’ve already sounded off about this silliness, but, no, it had to spread and get even more attention. The goddamn “photography cat” is now in People magazine.
Does no one agree that there is nothing special about this? That it is pure gimmick? Step 1: put camera on cat. Step 2: let cat run around. Step 3: develop photos of things like the undercarriages of cars and blurry pavement and grey sky. Step 4: mat them nicely and stick a $300 price tag on them, claiming they’re in step with elephant art and gorilla paintings. So cute! So unique! So quirky!
I was in the UrbanLight studio—the folks who hosted the first show—just yesterday and two men came in to ask about the cat photos. They were quite dismayed to learn that the show had been over a month ago, and demanded to know why there weren’t more “pieces” still on display. “You’re gonna get a lot more people asking about them, now that that article is out,” they warned the gallery attendant. The gallery attendant smiled—painedly, perhaps—and agreed with them, “yes, most likely, it was a fun show.” What were likely his own photos—meticulously composed, carefully shot, subtly edited—hung on the wall behind them, ignored in preference for what an automatic camera caught at random.
http://www.phinneywood.com/2009/02/06/cooper-the-photography-cat-gets-his-own-gallery-show/
Oh come ON. A cat runs around the neighborhood with an automatic camera attached to it, and now it gets a showcase in a gallery? I am weeping for the death of culture once more, and for artists who are struggling now more than ever for wallspace and recognition.
Posted by various vapor, assembled. on Thu May 27th at 3:08PM