Apple: Shots Fired - Ridiculous Retaliation

I’ll be honest here, I don’t really care what Apple’s up to with their big press conferences and the like. I’ve been swept up in the “OH MY GOD WHAT’S NEXT” hype before, but ultimately it boils down to shiny reflective slide-shows, white anti-aliased text, and a very hypnotically assuring voice.

However, today you may have heard that Apple has officially entered the portable gaming war with some pretty amazing statements regarding the iPod Touch in comparison to the DS and PSP. Let’s take a look at some bullet points.

iPod Superiority - What Other Devices Lack

• No Multi-Touch user interface
• Games are expensive
• No App Store
• No iPod

Seriously, that’s one of their slides.

Now, I’m not a marketing genius, but I can smell something in the air… WAIT HERE IT COMES—

PSP Superiority - What iPod Touch Lacks

• No buttons
• Games are mostly cheap wastes of a dollar
• No PlayStation Store
• No Xross Media Bar

See, that wasn’t so hard. OH HERE COMES ANOTHER—

DSi Superiority - What iPod Touch Lacks

• No stylus, only one screen
• Games content is flooded with garbage applications
• No DSi Shop
• No PictoChat

As you can tell, it’s pretty easy to come up with a short list of proprietary and trademarked features that may be arbitrary inclusions but are oh so important.

I’m not even going to touch their number wars as far as number of “games” goes: 21,178 games? Really? Really? HAVE YOU PLAYED THEM ALL MISTER APPLE NUMBERMONGER?

Okay I’m done. Good night!